What Would You Do OO OO, for a Klondike Bar?

So, I’ve been sitting at my desk, staring blankly at my computer screen for the last hour trying to tell myself that a Klondike Bar is not worth the 250 calories packed into its new, thicker shell. I don’t know when I became a calorie counter, but for whatever reason, I’m doing it now and it’s like the cruelest, self-inflicted torture ever. Do you think if I wasn’t counting calories, I’d be noshing after this delectable little delight…NO! Not in the least. I’ve never even had a Klondike Bar. So, I’m sitting here, chewing on about 4 pieces of Stride and thinking seriously about gnawing on the corner of my monitor all because the guy who breaks the sound barrier when he breathes offered me a STUPID KLONDIKE BAR! Whew! Excuse my outburst. It had to happen. Anyway, I’m slowly backing away from the ledge and my thoughts are returning to the things I should be accomplishing today and not the chocolate-ly, ice creamy deliciousness. I can almost feel sanity creeping its way back into my brain. Ahhhhh, yes, sanity.

I’ve been thinking I need to start knitting again. I haven’t done it in so long; mostly because I never really learned how to stop. All of my projects have needles in the bottom of them just waiting to be finished; longing for finality. I’ve been inspired by the recent baby boom – or at least, pregnancy boom in my department. There are four, yes four women expecting babies within the walls of my department and since I hate shopping off of registries (they’re so restrictive…if I want to get your baby a superhero cape, I’m going to get it whether it’s on your stupid registry or not). I apologize for my belligerence. This Klondike Bar has me all tetchy. Anyway, I love giving hand made gifts. They mean something. I put time, energy and moderately hard work into creating something and I want to share that with someone. Three of the four women are having females, so I’d love to make little blankets with matching booties, and caps. Like my own little personalized layette for the babies. For the boy, a little baby cape…every kid should have a cape. Heck, every adult should have a cape. Anyway, I could knit these pieces up if I just knew how to stop. I’m going to learn. It’s going to happen.
Alright, I’ve weened myself away from the idea that a Klondike Bar is going to change my life and I should probably do something that involves working hard for the money. So, with that I’ll leave you with my lists for the day.

Five things I’m grateful for –
1. My new water bottle
2. My job
3. The Gospel of Jesus Christ
4. Klondike Bars
5. This beautiful summer we’re having in Colorado

Top five desserts of all time (not including Klondike Bars) –
1. Warm, Chocolate Chip Cookie Hand Pies
2. Special K Bars
3. Red Velvet Cake with Almond Flavored Cream Cheese Icing
4. Sharon’s Lemon Bars
5. Irish Brambrack

They may take my wicked awesome 45% off discount, but they'll never take my FREEDOM!

It looks more and more like I’ll be transforming into a lady of leisure in the near future. I’ve decided to leave my second job. My last day will be next Tuesday. There are several reasons for my departure; all of which I’ll share with you in a moment. Anyway, this will be the first time in several years that I have not held down more than one job. I’ve worked 60+ hours a week for what seems like forever. I’m happy to be able to spend my evenings at home doing the things I love to do which have been neglected for some time now. I can cook every day if I want. I can read and write and knit and crochet and bake and watch really crappy television and study and reconnect with old friends and make plans and take up a new hobby….OOOOOOOO, the possibilities are limitless. YES! I feel free…like William Wallace free. Like O.J. Simpson free (well O.J. of old, at least). Like Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast free. Knitting…I’ll knit for hours if I want. You know why? I won’t have anything else to do. That’s why (I almost added a “suckas” at the end there, but I think my Grandma reads this).
Needless to say, I’m more than excited. There are a couple reasons behind my decision to leave. First and foremost is because, I wasn’t happy. I was always tired, stressed, disappointed, etc. My attitude for the day revolved around whether or not I had to work in the evening. Most of my unhappiness stemmed from a very unfortunate incident in which somebody assumed my beliefs and took off with it. Imagining up fantasies of me being some awful, gay-bashing bigot, which of course, for those of you who know me or share my beliefs, know that the absolute opposite is true. What I’ve learned from this is when you know what’s right, when you know the truth and when you’ve been trusted with these things, you have to be ready, willing and able to look opposition right in the eye and say, “I love you.” That’s why I can sleep at night. Anyway, the other reason was because, although for a very long time, I felt like Heavenly Father had plopped me in the middle of a bunch of tree-hugging, fairy-worshiping, aura-reading, tarot card-believing, nut jobs (I mean that in the nicest possible way) for a reason, my time is done. I’ve done what I was supposed to do – whatever that was. Oh yeah, and there was the whole, I was going to have to start working Sundays. And selling face cream on Sundays in no way constitutes the Lord’s work. So, here I am standing for what I believe in and I’m almost a little proud of myself…I don’t know that I’ve ever really done that before, at least since I’ve stood for what I know is right and not just what I thought was right (there’s a definite difference).
So, here’s to FREEDOM (pretend I just yelled that in my best Scottish accent a la William Wallace, because I totally did in my head as I typed it).

Five things I’m grateful for –
1. FREEDOM
2. 42 year old knitting needles
3. Knowing what’s right
4. Sylvia & Alexia
5. Peace of mind (not the Origins product, but the state of being)

Top five memories of Origins –
1. Sylvia refusing my hugfest…a pretty amazing chase ensued
2. Alexia and I rapping it up old school style. Whatever happened to Salt ‘N’ Peppa?
3. Learning Southern hymns. “Ain’t it a Shame to Kiss the Boys on Sunday?” Never heard it? I suggest you look it up.
4. Meeting the Escoe family. What an amazing group of people. They have truly changed my life.
5. Seeing in Alexia what I always wanted to see in myself.

Those who have eyes to see will see...

I was recently looking through one of my old notebooks that I filled up with opening story lines, quotes, advice, etc. I guess you could call it a journal, minus the typical narrative that goes along with journaling. Anyhow, I stumbled upon this little gem that I received from my seventh grade health studies teacher, who by the way, was the worst health studies teacher ever…mostly because he taught us more about television sitcoms then he taught us about the health benefits of celery and the dangers of herpes; although he did have excellent taste in both television and film. Either way, he gave me this piece of advice on September 10, 1994 : If you want to do something, just do it. Even though it sounds like a Nike ad, it’s super true. I’ve sat around so much wondering what to do with my life…why don’t I just do it (do I have to pay Nike every time I say that?)? Now, I have no idea what IT is, but that’s all worked out in the details, right?


Anyway, I love looking through my old notebooks. They muster up feelings of nostalgia and…well, really its just nostalgia. Seventh grade was weird. I don’t necessarily want to remember all of the feelings associated with it. I made the A team in volleyball, ran a wicked fast mile and wore stretch pants…YIKES, I know! Ugh, they had the little stirrups on them too. Double YIKES! So, I guess this will be my unofficial endorsement of journaling for my posterity’s sake. I’ll make an official endorsement at a later date…you know, when I’m better at journaling and when I’m qualified to officially endorse things.

Five things I’m grateful for –
1. Funny movies
2. Time spent with those I love
3. Red Rocks
4. Summer in Colorado
5. Sure Things

Top five concerts I’ve attended -
1. Prince – Civic Auditorium, Omaha, NE
2. Red Hot Chili Peppers – Civic Auditorium, Omaha, NE
3. The Killers – Red Rocks, Denver, CO
4. Widespread Panic – Red Rocks, Denver, CO
5. The Brian Setzer Orchestra – Sokol Auditorium, Omaha, NE
** Honorable Mention : Big Head Todd and the Monsters – Sokol Underground, Omaha, NE

Betrothed

"Come, let's be a comfortable couple and take care of each other! How glad we shall be, that we have somebody we are fond of always, to talk to and sit with." ~Charles Dickens



Five things I'm grateful for -

1. Wes Dean
2. The Temple
3. Wes Dean
4. The Temple
5. Wes Dean



Top five things I'm looking forward to as a wife -
1. Cooking for my husband
2. Reading scriptures with my husband
3. Holding hands with my husband
4. Praying with my husband
5. Progressing with my husband

Oh yeah...I'm getting married!

Ode to Moms-to-Be

I can't speak for all females, but one of the things that I look forward to the most is being a mother. Since mother's day isn't super special for me yet, I'm trying to focus more on what motherhood will look like for me when the time comes. I recently read this little jewel from one of my favorite prophets (well, they're all my favorite) :

"No matter what you read or hear, no matter what the differences of circumstances you observe in the lives of women around you, it is important for you Latter-day Saint women to understand that the Lord holds motherhood and mothers sacred and in the highest esteem. He has entrusted to his daughters the great responsibility of bearing and nurturing children. This is the great, irreplaceable work of women. Life cannot go on if women cease to bear children. Mortal life is a privilege and a necessary step in eternal progression. Mother Eve understood that. You must also understand it…” “Much is said about the drudgery and the confinement of the woman’s role in the home. In the perspective of the gospel it is not so. There is divinity in each new life. There is challenge in creating the environment in which a child can grow and develop. There is partnership between the man and woman in building a family which can last throughout the eternities.” -Spencer W. Kimball

President Kimball just tells it how it is, doesn't he? I love that he said there is "divinity in each new life." Divinity! What an amazingly beautiful gift it is to bring another being to mortality. The joys and perils of motherhood are equally great, but nothing will be better for me than knowing that I am helping another to return to our Heavenly Father.

I know there are many out there who are trying to have children, and I commend you all for your willingness to bear children in what can be a less-than-stellar world. We all will be incredibly loving and amazingly beautiful mothers in our own right. This is just one more example of how we as women, truly are a divine group and I am so thankful for my role and destiny as a woman. I'm thankful to all of you women out there who have been and continue to be amazing examples of motherhood, femininity, grace, charity, beauty and everything else that constitutes womanhood. Since I'm feeling a little sappy, I'm just going to say a few words about those women whom I love and learn from the most!

Sylvia - EVERYTHING! You are amazing and I love you as if you were my mother. You've taught me so much and you have been the most perfect example of a mother to me.

Steph - Your smile and fun outlook is going to make you a wonderful mother. You have a gift that your children will cherish and learn from.

Jenn C - I just love you and and I often think of you when I'm epitomizing women on this little blog of mine. You will be an amazing mother someday - hopefully soon.

Ahslee - You're already mother to a bunch of 20-something girls, so you've got the late-teen angst ridden phase done and over with. You will also be a wonderful mother to a bunch of little rays of hope and sunshine.

Jeane - Your kids will be the smartest kids in the world. They'll come out speaking proper English and will never end a sentence with a proposition. They will be so loved and so blessed to have you as their mother.

Cassie - Oh man! I so want our kids to play together! I can't wait to see you as a mother. You will be incredible and inspiring and wonderful and every other good adjective that exists.

So, Moms-to-be, this is our year! Happy mother's day to you all and may you all find joy in the idea that we are divine and that one day we will "bear the title to that sweetest word ever lisped by human lips, that most loved, most sacred appellation ever coined in speech, that holy, precious word—Mother." - Joseph F. Smith

Five things I'm grateful for -
1. Mortal Life
2. The Gospel of Jesus Christ
3. Love
4. Eternal Perspective
5. Time Travel

Top five mother's of all time (in my humble opinion) -
1. Mother Eve
2. Sylvia Escoe
3. Charmaine Turner (or grandma)
4. Evelyn Irvin (or great-grandma)
5. Sarah, Hannah, Mary, Elisabeth, Eunice, Rachel, Sariah and all of those divine mothers who have come before us.

"A mother's happiness is like a beacon, lighting up the future but reflected also on the past in the guise of fond memories." ~Honoré de Balzac

Can you hear me Major Tom?

On my way into work this morning I came across the most amazing intersection in all of the greater Denver area (I-25 and Hampden for those of you not in the know) and saw two of the most hilarious / sad things I’ve ever seen in my life.
So, I’m just driving along and end up at the stop light at the top of the intersection, much like every other morning and I see this new sign. It’s one of those really neat bright poster board signs that I used to display science projects on…anyway, it has this written across it : “LARGE WIFE SALE – SHE MUST GO!” What?! So I busted a gut laughing and then felt bad that I was laughing at this poor woman’s misfortune, so I looked the other way, away from the sign and I see a homeless man panhandling on the side of the road. Typically, there’s always somebody on this corner and I usually am able to spare a couple dollars or at the very least my lunch, but I had nothing today and even if I did have a dollar or two or my usual turkey on wheat with an apple and carrots, this guy didn’t want it. You see, his sign read, “Spaceship broke down, need money for parts.” So, then I laughed a little, because well, it was funny. The guy saw me laughing and we made eye contact and he gave me a big toothless grin and then he shook his head a little in amusement and I shook mine back in admiration and I went on my way and he went on his way and the large wife, well, I don’t know where she went, but if you’re in need of a large wife, I wrote down the phone number.
Anyway, I don’t know if the space man was just being good-humored about his really sad situation or if he seriously thought his ride to the Final Frontier was in need of repair, but I realized that he taught me something pretty valuable today. He taught me that sometimes, all we can offer somebody is a genuine smile or a good-natured laugh. More often than not, we pass by folks without so much as a smile or making eye contact or doing the “Dude Nod of Acknowledgement” (come on, you know the nod), but it’s something we can offer somebody for no cost at all and it makes both parties involved feel better. I promise. Sometimes, somebody taking the time to acknowledge my existence with a little smile or by making eye contact makes all the difference. The space man made a difference for me today.
As for the photo, I’m not super environmentally conscience, but I’m fairly convinced that this family is solely responsible for any and all damage done to the ozone layer in the early ‘90s. That’s a whole lot of Aquanet, and it’s exactly what my hair looked like post-mullet phase circa 1991. Plus, it's really hard find a spaceship photo that isn't completely creepy or mega-nerdy.
Anyway, I hope you all are doing well!

5 things I’m grateful for –
1. Temples
2. Stake Conference
3. Reverence
4. Love
5. 5 Minute Hug Fests

Top five jobs I wanted to have as a child –
1. Middle Linebacker for the San Francisco 49ers
2. Professional Tap Dancer
3. Pediatric Cardiologist a la My Girl 2
4. Captain of the Good Ship Lollipop
5. Farmer’s Wife

“The space man says, 'Everybody look down, it’s all in your mind.' ~ The Killers

La Vie est Belle

I don’t have a lot to say…well actually I have tons to say, I’m just not sure how to say it. So, what I will say is I love you all!
Five things I’m grateful for –
1. Spring
2. Love
3. NBA Playoffs
4. Did I mention love?
5. Stephanie Mae Anderson

Top five collaborations of all time –
1. Wes Dean & Jen Bowen
2. Spoon + Fork = Spork
3. Elton John & KiKi Dee
4. French Canadians
5. Yellow + Blue = GREEN

Fragile as a Coal Truck

There’s something absolutely beautiful about a weeping willow tree. I love that they are tall and strong and present, but their branches are tender and gentle and delicate. They seem wise and knowing in that weird way that sometimes old trees do. Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about who I should write about next. Then I got a call early this morning from my good friend Sylvia. She was thinking about me and wanted to wish me a good day. Such a small and simple act of kindness has made my entire week seem better (although there wasn’t much room for improvement, it’s been pretty amazing)! Either way, I love Sylvia and I hope that you all enjoy our story!
Sylvia and I met in September of 2007 when I began working a part time job at Origins. I don’t really remember the first time we worked together. I’m typically pretty quiet and shy around new people and in new situations, so I’m sure she probably thought I was pretty lame. I do remember her amazing southern accent and her sense of humor. She talked about her family with passion I had never experienced before. I slowly grew to admire Sylvia for her strength. The story of her life is remarkable. It’s tragically sad and amazingly beautiful; the ultimate contradiction. Sylvia’s personality is similar to the weeping willow tree. She is strong beyond measure yet intimidatingly delicate. (Just for the record – intimidatingly is not a word, but it should be). I grew to love her family without ever meeting them. In true southern fashion, she is a great story-teller and the stories of her family’s adventures are funny, heart-breaking, beautiful, ugly, and good. Good is such a perfect word in this context. Sylvia is good.
I quickly grew to realize that Sylvia was meant to serve a purpose in my life. She is the type of mother that I always wanted. She’s not perfect or even close, but she’s been such an amazing example of what a mother should be. She’s taught me so many things; significant things that I often felt ashamed about not knowing. She did it in a way that never made me feel ignorant or unworthy of the education she’s provided. She’s taught me about love, pure and unconditional love. She’s taught me that it’s pretty ok to cry if that’s what I feel like doing. She’s taught me that laughing at myself is often times the best medicine at the end of a crappy day. She’s taught me that there’s so much more to life than pleasing others. She’s taught me about service. She’s taught me that a warm smile and welcoming heart are two of the most important things you can offer someone else. She’s taught me about faith and miracles and goodness.
Sylvia has two of the most beautiful daughters in the world. I love them as if they were my own sisters. I didn’t meet either of them for nearly a year. When we met in person it felt right. We immediately felt a kinship. We hugged. Those hugs from those girls have meant more to me than I think they’ll ever know. Whew! I’m getting ferclemped (that’s not a word either). Anyway, when they are sad, I find myself sad. When they are happy, I rejoice with them. I love them with all of my heart and I’ve learned much from them as well.
Sylvia is the most honest person I know. I’m not just talking about honesty in the context of not lying, but she’s honest about her feelings, her plight in life, her personality, others’ personalities, her faith, her character. She knows who she is and she’s honest about it. Being honest with myself is something I struggled with quite a lot until I met Sylvia. I learned that our experiences (happy or otherwise) make us who we are and until we’re honest about those experiences, we’ll never learn from them. I’ve come to appreciate my experiences because of Sylvia’s example.
Sylvia is also hilarious. I mean rolling on the floor, tears coming out of your eyes, gut-busting funny. I’ve never laughed so much or so hard with somebody else in my entire life. She knows how to laugh at herself and that is important. She’s just an amazing woman and I hope that everybody is able to spend some time with Sylvia sooner or later.

Five things I'm grateful for -
1. SYLVIA ESCOE
2. Foreheads
3. Jesus Christ's example
4. Friends
5. The Temple

Top five worst songs that pop into my head almost daily -
1. Wannabe - Spice Girls
2. Strangers in the Night - Frank Sinatra
3. We Built This City - Starship
4. The Sign - Ace of Base
5. What's Up? - Four Non Blondes

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother

So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately how other people have blessed my life. I’ve been incredibly fortunate to have some of the most amazing friends. I often wonder why I have been so blessed. I still don’t know the answer to that question, but I think that my next several posts will be dedicated to those whom I love most.
Now, I kept going back and forth trying to think who I would start with. It’s not like my circle of friends is huge, but everybody is significant and everybody has contributed to my life in one way or another. As I was thinking about those who’ve had the most impact, my thoughts kept returning to my little brother. So, Michael will be the beginning!
Michael was born when I was nine and in the third grade. Little known fact : in true Iowa fashion, I had a mullet in third grade. Anyway, 1991 was the year of the mullet and Michael. Michael was born in March, shortly after my birthday. I was super excited to have a brother. He was amazing in every aspect of the word. I immediately fell in love with my little brother (so, as I reread that statement it sounds a little creepy and all too backwoods, but it was healthy and so far removed from creepy). Michael was a big baby. Nearly ten pounds when he was born. He never looked like a typical newborn. He had huge blue eyes and the chunkiest thighs in the world. He quickly took on the name Tank because of his size. He smiled very early on. I remember his first smile. I was holding him in the kitchen while I was warming a bottle and he looked at me with huge blue eyes and gave me the biggest smile in the world. The best part about a baby’s smile is that it is the most genuine thing you will ever witness. Babies smile because they are happy. Adults smile because it’s appropriate. Does that make sense? Anyway, he started to laugh those hilarious deep-belly laughs that only babies can. He loved playing airplane which caused A LOT of spitting up, but hearing him laugh was almost worth the clean up. Michael was a beautiful baby.
He was an even more beautiful child. It was awesome to see him learn and grasp certain concepts. A child’s determination and will to learn and progress is so raw and inspiring. I often envied his resolve. He was and still is incredibly and very naturally intelligent. As Michael progressed, I often felt that I did as well. He did typical boy things. He loved cars and dinosaurs and Legos. We watched a lot of Land of the Lost and Land Before Time. As a kid, he had a sensitivity about him that was well beyond his years of experience. He was incredibly tuned in to how people were feeling. Again, I envied this trait. He especially knew when I was upset and I was always so grateful for his reassuring pats on the back.
Michael and I started several of our own traditions. I hope to continue some of these traditions with my own children. My favorite was lying underneath the Christmas tree and looking up at all of the lights. We would do it for hours. Sometimes we’d make up our own lyrics and put them to traditional Christmas songs. Other times, we’d just quietly enjoy the lights. Every Thanksgiving we would go for a drive (from the time I had my own car) after dinner. We would usually go down to the Glenwood area. We listened to Jock Jams the whole time. It was awesome. One year, I hit a deer when Pump Up the Jam was blasting throughout my little 1988 Dodge Omni. Naturally, we had to quote lines from Tommy Boy and Harry and the Henderson’s the whole way home. The best thing about Michael during those years was that he got it. He understood me and he understood why I thought the way I did or said the things I said and he never once questioned my motives.
I knew that my decision to move to Colorado would greatly affect my relationship with Michael. I have always felt a little guilty for leaving him in Iowa to deal with the circumstances of our parents’ decisions. Michael was 14 when I moved 900 miles away. We talked every day and I flew him out here the very first chance I had. I wanted him to see who I was outside of the confines of my former self. The trip was awesome and it was like we had never spent a day apart.
Our relationship changed dramatically in May of 2007. Unfortunately, our mother visited Colorado and lost her mind (to say the least). I flew her here for her 50th birthday hoping it would be a good relationship-building visit. Turns out I was super naïve and way too hopeful for my own good. From that point on, Michael was used as leverage. I wanted no part of that. I emailed him and told him that I loved him more than he or I could probably ever comprehend, but for the sake of our relationship and selfishly, for the sake of my sanity, I wasn’t going to put him or my sister in the middle of my mother’s plot for revenge if I could help it. That was, hands down, the absolute hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. We went from being the best of friends to awkward siblings who acknowledged each other on birthdays and Christmas. I cried many nights and sought solace in the Gospel. I found peace and most of the things I was looking for. Michael never responded to my emails and I understood. It was better for him not to respond because if our mother found out there was any correspondence between the two of us, his life would have been pretty awful.
In January of this year I received the phone call I had been praying for for nearly two years. Michael called! We spoke for hours and we apologized and cried and laughed and used movie quotes in normal conversation that only we would understand. We busted out in song when the other person would say something that reminded us of a really bad song (there was a lot of Bon Jovi going on that night). Anyway, my brother doesn’t know it, but his phone call came at a time in my life when I was feeling incredibly sad. January in general was ridiculous, but hearing his voice and the love behind his words saved me from what I fear may have been a pretty dark period. Michael is an amazing young man and I will always look up to him for his awe-inspiring intuition and his ability to calm the most troubled heart. He’s truly been the best friend I could have ever hoped for.

Five things I’m grateful for –
1. Michael
2. Bon Jovi
3. Jock Jams
4. Crappy formative years
5. Love

Top five memories with Michael –
1. Eating the best bad Chinese food and watching Joe Dirt on the floor of my apartment every Saturday night for all of 2004
2. Michael tiling my kitchen while I glued beads to the bottom of my lampshades listening to ELO
3. Long drives through the middle of Iowa during harvest talking about life as we knew it
4. “Stay in the car…you do NOT want to see this” Michael’s reaction after we hit the deer on Thanksgiving night in 1998
5. The Viking helmet

In case you're wondering, I totally painted his nails and dressed him up in my old tap shoes and tutus. He loved every minute of it.

Best / Worst Sunday EVER

Best Sunday ever because it's Easter...Duh! Worst Sunday ever because Mustang Sally pulled the ol' Corner-Jen-after-church-to-make-her-feel-really-bad-about-life-in-general trick. Oldest trick in the book. You'd think I'd learn. Where's S-Dawg when I need her to run interference? I mean really. Anyway, I'd rather focus on the good. Are you ready?

Good - It's Easter Sunday. Easter is the most spiritual day of the year for me. I mean I try to be spiritual day every day, but there's something special about celebrating and studying the story of His resurrection.

Good - It's rainy and damp and although I love sunshine and warm weather, there's something a tad bit romantic about an overcast day.

Good - I feel amazingly blessed always, but especially on Sundays.

Good - Love! I love love! I'm finding more and more that love is something that comes naturally to me. That might be a wierd statement, well there's no "might be" it is wierd. But, there was a time in my life when it didn't come naturally and it has been such a blessing to know that I have the capacity to live in love.

So, here are my lists...enjoy my loved ones!

Five things I'm grateful for -

1. My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

2. The atonement, all that it encompasses and all that it has provided me

3. Friends...I honestly don't know where I'd be sometimes if it weren't for the most amazing friends in the world. I hope you all know who you are! I love you all!

4. Hand-written letters. I got another one this weekend from a beloved friend and it made my whole week a little better

5. LOVE - man it's amazing!

Top five "oldies" bands / solo artists -

1. The Beach Boys

2. Buddy Holly

3. The Foundations

4. Jay and the Americans

5. The Drifters

J'adore you all!

Hot Sleep in Eleven Minutes or Less

I slept! Finally! It was amazing, minus the creepy dream about dropping out of clown school. Weird. Anyway, the good news is I survived seven days on about 40 minutes of sleep. The bad news is, I was a monster be around toward the end. I felt a little like I was turning into the Hulk by last night, but right before my skin started to turn green and my shirt sleeves tore, I slipped into a peaceful slumber...aaaahhhh.

In honor of my full eight, here are some lists for your viewing pleasure!

Five things I'm grateful for -

1. Sleep

2. The Hulk

3. The Gospel of Christ

4. All of the advice there is in the world for help falling asleep

5. Happiness

Top five things to do this rainy and windy Saturday -

1. Corndog's hockey game

2. Taxes

3. Change Richard's water

4. Read

5. Nap

Much love my loves!

I get it! I get it!

I had yet another sleepless night last night and my eyes are burning from exhaustion right now, but something so beautiful has come out of this little bout of sleeplessness. I hesitate to type it out for fear that it will lose some of its beauty, but it’s always good to share the wonderful moments in our lives with others.
I was lying in my bed last night taking turns looking at Richard in his little fish bowl resting peacefully after a hard day of swimming and being fishy and looking at the creepy skull in my ceiling. I had some music playing and it was really quite peaceful…well except that I was looking at the creepy skull and actually contemplating spilling my guts to it and that made me a little bit fearful of my own mental state in that instance. But, I felt this amazing push to get out of bed, get on my knees and spill all to Heavenly Father. Just give everything to him. So I did. And I felt bad, because He hears it from so many people and people who have way worse stuff going on than I. I won’t tell you everything I said or asked, but what I did ask was this : for help in seeking out the truth and light that will guide me throughout the rest of my life or at least during this interim period I’m calling “All work and no play.” I don’t typically get super strong feelings after prayers. I’m more of a slow and steady wins the race type of girl…but I was hit with the most amazing feeling that confirmed to me that the truth and light that I am seeking is right in front of me. It is us…all of us! We are truth and light and everything else that I’m looking for right now. Duh! Don’t you hate when Captain Obvious hit you across the face with a bat? I’m not comparing Heavenly Father to Captain Obvious…just for the record. That was an amazing moment. I’m not much of a cryer, but man did I cry like a baby and it could have been because I haven’t slept since Friday night, but I like to think it was because I knew in that moment that Heavenly Father was with me and there was no doubt in my mind of His grace and mercy and miracles. I’ve really only had one other moment when I felt Heavenly Father’s presence so strongly and that’s a whole other Oprah – or post, but someday I will tell you all of the time He saved me from moving to the mountains and living like Ted Kosinsky, minus the mail bombs and manifestos. So, anyhow, I feel like a total nerd today for not looking to those people around me for the truth and light that I’ve been searching for. Heavenly Father truly blesses us in our relationships with others and I like to think that I’ll continue to learn and be inspired by you all. You are truth and light and I love you!
In other news, I’ll be descending on Council Bluffs, Iowa in 5 weeks to attend my brother’s high school graduation. I’m not so sure I’m ready for Iowa. More to come...

Five things I’m grateful for –
1. My testimony of prayer
2. Richard and the Creepy Skull
3. Inspiration
4. Friends
5. Sleep – I’ve never been more grateful for sleep in my life

Top five things I’ve been obsessed (such a strange word) with lately –
1. The Format
2. Perfecting my lemon bar recipe
3. Sleep
4. The guy in the office who breathes really loud. Sometimes I want to launch paper-clip daggers at him. I’ve even construct a paper-clip dagger launcher out of rubber bands and my Swingline. Now all I need is some courage or one more sleepless night and he’s done for.
5. Making sweet music mixes – some of these will reach epic status…if I ever get them finished.

I’m fairly certain that my brain is losing its capacity to function normally. Maybe it’s old age. Maybe I’m aging at an increasingly rapid rate and it is causing senility to set in early. Maybe I need about five more hours in each day. Maybe I need to slow down. Maybe, I just need to assess my life. Assessing is one of my least favorite things to do when the assessment is of me. I feel at 27, I’m beyond those days of laying back in a flowery meadow and wondering what the purpose of my life is, and blah, blah, blah (maybe this attitude is my problem). Actually, I’ve never been one to lay back in a flowery meadow because, A. I don’t like butterflies and the two seem to go hand in hand and B. I prefer cornfields. Anyway, I’ve always envisioned myself in a completely different place than I am right now. Don’t read between the lines here, I’m actually quite happy. There are pieces missing here and there in the puzzle that has become my life, and although the pieces that are missing are quite large and integral, I’m content. Isn’t that the point; to find contentment?
Anyway, as I’ve posted before, I’ve been doing weird little things that are out of character that make me think that I need a break or I need to embrace what has become my life, or both. Stopping at green lights bothers me for some reason and it goes beyond the fear that I’ve become color blind. I’ve done it more times in the last week than ever in my life. I think it’s signaling some sort of re-wire that’s occurred in this brain of mine. I’m not sleeping well either. I usually only sleep a few hours a night anyway, but I’ve not been sleeping at all. I’ve been up making vegetable pizzas and eating carrots with my dogs until the wee hours of the morn. I’ve been lying in bed staring at the ceiling and trying to find shapes in the texture finish. So far, I’ve just found a creepy looking skull, which makes it harder still to sleep. I’m not necessarily frustrated with the lack of sleep, but I know that when it catches up to me, I’ll be down for the count.
I was thinking last night as I was staring at the creepy skull in my ceiling that I had a lot of plans for myself a few years ago and for several reasons, plans have changed and I’ve settled. Not that what I’ve settled for is horrible, I think everybody has to settle here and there (settle is such a stupid word in this context). Then I thought, I’m still relatively young, I can still pursue the things that I’ve always wanted to pursue. The creepy skull agreed. After all, I should practice what I preach. I’ve always been the first person to advise chasing your dreams, reaching for the stars, going for the gold and every other cliché that fits here. It seems as though I’ve been caught up in the humdrum of life and lost myself a bit…not a lot, but just enough to make me stop at green lights and talk to skulls in my ceiling. So, my insomnia and new found insanity have inspired me to pursue some of the things I’ve always wanted.
I was also thinking back to yesterday’s General Conference addresses, specifically Elder Holland’s talk. What an amazingly powerful talk he gave. The only thing I wrote down was this : “Work on fears regarding achieving goals and marriage.” Now, I’m not much of a gusher nor am I one to let people know that I fear anything, but alas, here I am gushing to you about my fears. I can’t help but think that fear has been one of the things that has motivated me to discontinue pursuing the things that I’ve wanted to pursue, among those things is being a wife and mother, a writer and a really good friend to those whom I care about. Now, I know that fear is often Satan worming his way into our brains, but I think these are very legitimate fears and things I must work on. So, the conclusion I’ve come to can be summed up in a little piece of advice I received from my good friend Sylvia awhile back, “Girl, you need to get your rear in gear.”
The reason for the bear photo is this : It’s a pretty awesome photo. But, it represents the changes I want to make to my life. The changes will be significant in that I’ll have to remove some pretty ingrained thoughts / fears, but once those are gone, I’ll still be the same Jen.
Alright, I’ve written a whole post about myself which will be rare, I promise.

Five things I'm grateful for -

1. General Conference

2. Time spent with friends

3. Letters from my Great-grandmother

4. Advice

5. Creepy skulls in my ceiling

Top five goals I'd like to accomplish in my life -

1. Be sealed in the Temple

2. Be the best wife and mother I know how to be - whatever that looks like

3. Write more and with more desire to be published

4. To create the most openly loving and welcoming home, wherever that may be and whatever that may mean

5. To live life with a constant eye on eternity

"The truth about the world, is that anything is possible." Cormac McCarthy

Sure as Frogs Croak and Cows Bellow

Sometimes, we read books for entertainment and other times we read books for information. And, if we're lucky, we read books that change our lives. My good friend suggested I read Cold Sassy Tree. I'd heard a lot about this novel when I was in college. When my friend suggested it to me this past weekend, I immediately went and picked it up and gave it a shot. Man, am I glad I did. What an amazing piece of art. I've never met another character that I've so easily identified with as Miss Love. And to be loved the way that Rucker loves Miss love toward the end; wow! This is an excellent book and if you haven't already read it, take my word, it is beautiful.

Five things I'm grateful for -

1. Cold Sassy Tree

2. Simplicity

3. Heating blankets

4. Cold Pillows

5. A Sound Mind

Top five memories as a child -

1. Laying in the middle of a field by myself watching the clouds for hours and hours

2. Lightening striking our house and watching the appliances blow up

3. The tornado of 1988

4. California 1994

5. The day my brother was born

"We can ast for comfort and hope and patience and courage . . . and we'll git what we ast for. They ain't no gar'ntee thet we ain't go'n have no troubles and ain't go'n die. But shore as frogs croak and cows bellow, God'll forgive us if'n we ast Him to." Rucker ~ Cold Sassy Tree

I Got the Green Light; I Got A Little Fight

I stopped at two different green lights this morning, my socks don't match and my brain is a mess. I don't know what's going on, but I'm not so sure I dislike it...

Five this I'm grateful for -
1. Clouds in the sky
2. Mountains
3. Company
4. Love
5. Life

Top five favorite bands of all time -
1. The Beach Boys
2. The Beatles
3. The Killers
4. Fleetwood Mac
5. Widespread Panic

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” ~ Dr. Seuss

Oh, Richard!

So, that's not Richard, but it's what Richard looks like. Richard is the most wonderful little fish a girl could ask for. He is the epitome of cool. He just swims around his bowl looking for a fight. He's a fighting fish after all. He loves to follow my finger and he'll watch me read or get ready for work from the back of his bowl. He loves to eat. Oh man, he swallows up his food almost faster than I can drop it into his bowl. Richard likes warm water, so at night he gets to sleep on a heating pad. I wake up every hour or two to make sure he's staying warm. He's really active at night. He just swims and swims and swims and seems completely content doing so. Anyway, there will be more Richard updates later.
So on my way into work this morning I was behind a Subaru. Now, I'm only mentioning the make of the car, because I completely and totally unfairly judge people who drive subarus and here's why : He had one of those little "Coexist" stickers on one side of his car and the ever more popular equality sticker. Then I pan over to the right side of his back window and there's a sticker that reads, "Save an elk, kill a land developer." Really, buddy? REALLY? Does he not understand the message(s) he's sending? The one I'm sure on the forefront of everybody's mind who has the displeasure of following this guy is, what an imbecile. Anyway, I don't get super uptight about most things, but when I see these people who drive around town with mobile soap boxes adhered to their car windows that tout such messages as "Coexist" and "=" then please do everybody a favor and practice what you so publicly preach. So, anyway, I ended up laughing the whole rest of the way to work, because I just found it funny. Well that and I kept imagining that he has a refrigerator full of elk meet and his father-in-law is probably a land developer. Don't you wish that you could sometimes crawl into other peoples' minds if even for a minute? I would totally choose to crawl into that guys' mind.
Alright, so since Richard has brought me so much joy in the last several days, I thought I'd include five additional things I'm grateful for and five additional items to my top five list. Here you go! Enjoy!

Ten Things I’m Grateful For –
1. My Father – He is the definition of Honorable
2. My Sister – She makes me laugh
3. My Brother – He understands
4. My Niece – She’s beautiful and pure and everything good
5. My friends – They are all so amazing and selfless
6. Old-fashioned, Handwritten Letters
7. Richard – He’s a good little fish
8. History – The best education you can obtain is to study the lives of those who came before you
9. Good Books - Are medicine for the soul
10. Conversation - The one tool in getting to know the true character of others

Top Ten Love Songs (I’m getting cheeseball on you with these)!
1. Something; The Beatles
2. I Fall to Pieces; Patsy Cline
3. I Walk the Line; Johnny Cash
4. Read My Mind; The Killers
5. How Sweet it Is; Marvin Gaye
6. Eternal Flame; The Bangles
7. Together; The Raconteurs
8. Crazy; Patsy Cline
9. The Long and Winding Road; The Beatles
10. O Valencia; The Decemberists
Honorable Mention : 1234; Feist & Dancin' in the Moonlight; Van Morrison

May you always recognize your blessings for what they are

Lend Me Your Ears, I'll Sing You A Song

I’m so blessed in so many different regards. I had the most wonderful weekend. My life is so much different now than it was 3 years ago. It is exactly what I have always wanted it to be. I feel fulfilled. I had the privilege of having a really great conversation on Friday evening. It was not particularly deep, but rewarding nonetheless. I don’t want to gush over the details, but sometimes you just know when you’re in the presence of really great people. You can feel when friendships are being born and strengthened. Anyway, this all got me thinking that I’ve been so blessed my whole life with really amazing friends and acquaintances. I have especially grown to love those that I’ve met since moving to Colorado. Not that I don’t care immensely for all of my friends, but those that I’ve met in Colorado have really helped to hold me up during a period of great conversion. I feel that I’m approaching the end of that sometimes incredibly bumpy road called Transformation and it feels amazing. It feels right. My point is, the bumps in my own personal road would have been a lot worse had it not been for some very special people.
I don’t think that anyone truly knows and can understand why I’ve chosen the lifestyle that I have except my Heavenly Father. If and when I do open up to people about the way I grew up, they seem to think that they know why I’ve chosen to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, they say things like “that explains it!” They know the least. To be quite honest, most days I don’t even know why exactly I chose what I have chosen except that I know of its truthfulness and denying the truth makes you a liar. I’m not a liar.
So, I guess what I’m really trying to say here is this : I am a very blessed individual and I have been graced by the presence of some of the most beautiful spirits to walk the earth.
One of my friends who has taken on this sort of weird mother-like role in my life is always handing out unsolicited advice, and although most days it’s not asked for I secretly and well, sometimes not-so-secretly yearn for it. The single greatest piece of advice she has ever given me is to always choose life. You can choose life or death in nearly all instances. Choose life. Those two words run through my head nearly constantly every day. She also once told me to marry a blow-up doll. I’m choosing life by not taking that advice. But, when you’re in her presence, you feel of her greatness. You feel of her kindness, warmth and strength and most days I want to just have an ounce of those qualities that she so naturally possesses. And there are so many others like her in my life and during those times when I might frown on the events of my past or the circumstances surrounding my childhood, I have no choice but to get on my knees and thank Heavenly Father for blessing me so significantly. Man, don’t you just want to go out and hug somebody right now?
Oh yeah, I got a fish. I’ve named him Richard. He’s incredibly smart and very handsome. I may have to dedicate a post to him. He’s worthy of dedication.

Five things I’m grateful for –
My Great Grandmother
My Grandmother
Simplicity
Barns – I love barns
Richard – my new fish

Top five pieces of absolutely unsolicited advice I’ve received from Sylvia –
“Choose Life”
“Keep chasing those physics things and you’ll end up in the arms of a man” (yes physics as in Avogadro’s number)
“Marry a blow up doll”
“Gggiiirrrlll, you best get your dag-um rear in gear” (she’s from the south if you couldn’t tell from the “dag-um”)
“Be honest with me”

May each of you feel as blessed as I.

A Lonesome Jubilee

I have the next four days to myself. I have nothing to do but basque in the amazing, succulent and wholesome solitude that quiets our noisy world. My own world happens to be incredibly noisy most of the time. There’s not a lot of room for solitude in my busy schedule. I’m constantly running from one job to the other or trying to make a deadline or running errands or fulfilling a calling or any of the countless other things that are required of me. Even just the simple act of thinking about these things, not necessarily doing them, causes an unwelcome clamor in my life. Even further, all of the “conveniences” that we all take advantage of today (ie – cell phones, computers, PDAs, Blackberries, portable televisions, automobiles, microwaves, heck – even running water) have caused me less and less convenience the more I use them. Do you remember when calling somebody meant you had to take time out of your day to really sit down and just focus on the person at the other end of the line? It was special. Do you remember when watching a television show meant scheduling time to sit down with your family and enjoying some laughs together? It was fun. Do you remember when cooking a meal meant spending time preparing the food, getting your hands dirty, setting a table and gathering together in a small kitchen? It was beautiful. None of those things exist anymore because, well I can text and talk on my cell phone at the same time that I’m watching something I recorded on my DVR and all the while “dinner” is being “cooked” in my handy, dandy microwave “oven.” Oh yeah, and did I mentioned I’m checking my email too? AAAAAHHHHH! It’s too much sometimes. It’s way too much sometimes.
What’s even better is the new and more vicious keeping up with the Jones’ mentality that has come along with these advances in technology (and I use the word advances very loosely here). I couldn’t care less if my friend has the newest I-Phone, the most expensive car, the trendiest clothes, the most powerful microwave, the biggest plasma screen TV, or the newest I-Pod. I don’t care. What I do care about is their well-being. I care about whether or not their basic needs are being met. I care about their happiness. I care about the way they feel not the way that their gadgets make them feel. And all of these advances are not rocketing us into the future; in fact they’re sending us spiraling even further into an isolationist, archaic, every-man-for-himself society. When was the last time you saw somebody look up from their PDA and actually take the blue tooth of their ear, smile and say hi? It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?
I say all of this at the risk that somebody out there is going to pass me off as some Berkley educated, Boulderite who hugs trees for a living, but the truth is I’m just a simple girl. I enjoy things like sunshine, a good book, a warm smile, a friend, the wind in my hair, a fulfilling conversation (not a textual conversation…a real face-to-face sit down). In essence, I enjoy life; just unadorned, uncomplicated, pure life. And I’m going to do nothing but revel in all that life has to offer for the next four days. So, here’s my advice to all of you : Turn off your phones, close your laptops, put your I-Pods away and listen to the beautiful silence, foreign as it may be, and spend some good quality time inside your own brain. Learn who you are when there is nothing to interrupt the process.

Five things I’m grateful for –

1. Peace
2. Silence
3. Stillness
4. Eternity
5. Mortal Life

Top five life lessons I’ve learned the hard way –

1. You can’t please everybody all of the time.
2. Saying “No” does not equal death.
3. As much as you want to grip on to your youth with white knuckles, you have to grow up, and most days, it’s a pretty mind-blowing process.
4. The world does not stop spinning if your heart is broken, you lose a loved one or you get a paper cut (I hate paper cuts).
5. You have to trust that Heavenly Father’s plan for you is a well thought-out symphony that you can only conduct if you are worthy to receive the guidance and love of the Holy Ghost.

May your minds be opened that you might see every blade of grass and every ray of sunshine.

An Ephemeral Composition of Disjointed Memories

I'm not a rock snob by any means. I do believe I have good taste in music, but so does every 12-year old die-hard Miley Cyrus fan. I should post about teen crazes one day...I'm writing that down right now. Anyway, a friend (who will remain nameless - cough - Alexia - cough), asked me to make her a mix as a way of diverting attention from the fact that she has not yet made one for me. Can I just say that I have not made a mix since I was a lovestruck 17-year old; so, this is providing me great joy. I'm excited to put songs together and I've been having some wicked crazy brainstorming sessions. There are so many songs I could use, yet I'm limited to 80 minutes. Maybe I'll make a two-disc volume (is it just me or does it seem like I've used about 10 hyphens in this post already?). I used to be a mix master. Man! I could put together a compilation that would make you laugh, cry, ponder, cry some more. I wish I had some of them. The best were the cheesy love mixes I put together for my then steady (I might be aging myself using the word "steady" but it beats boyfriend. Boyfriend is so...I don't know, boyfriendy). Regretfully, I did include at least one Celine Dion song, but hey, it was 1999 and the Titanic hadn't hit the iceburg quite yet. Besides, he liked Celine...that should have been a sign (pardon my departure from the point). Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, there's nothing quite like a really good mix tape - yes as in cassette tape - to tap into your emotions.
Music is one of those things that most people love. It's so subjective though. You can almost judge what kind of person somebody is by the type of music they listen to (if I were the type to judge...well I am the type to judge sometimes). For example, when I think of say, SKA music, I immediately think, mowhawks, chain wallets, chuck taylors and marginal intelligence. When I think of Country music I think of cowboy boots, horse trailors and fun. When I think about the Indigo Girls , I want to vomit. Anyway, It's easy to judge a person's traits based on the music they listen to because it's so much more than just listening. You live the music.
Anyway, here are some of the top runners for Alexia's mix.
My Generation; TheWho
A Day in the Life; The Beatles
Crazy; Patsy Cline
The Boxer; Simon & Garfunkel
Nothing Compares 2 U (I hate when people can't just spell a word.) Sinead O'Connor
Ooh, Ooh Child; The Five Stair Steps
Spirit in the Sky; Norman Greenbaum
God Only Knows; Switchfoot
Wonderwall; Oasis
Ride; Cary Brothers
Did I Tell You; Yo La Tengo
The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth; Clap Your Hands, Say Yeah!
Rebellion; Arcade Fire (Don't judge!)
LadyFlash; The Go! Team
Alright, I'm getting bored. Anyway, That's the small but definite list. Everything else is tied for 15th place.
I promise this will not turn into a music blog.
Here are my lists! Enjoy!

Five things I'm grateful for -

1. Love
2. Amazing Friends
3. My Brain
4. Laughter
5. Music

Top five places I want to visit before I die -

1. Isreal
2. Vancouver, B.C.
3. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum
4. My Great, Great Grandfather's childhood home in Ireland
5. The University of Virginia / Gettysburg, PA

May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

Naive is the New Black

There's something so beautiful about this photo. It's from the Library of Congress archive, by the way, and there was no additional citation on the website. Anyway, I just love old photographs. Especially those depicting women in such a gorgeous way. There's something amazing about being able to prepare a meal for the people you love. The hard work, the preparation, the presentation, the clean up; it's all quite beautiful. I love being in the kitchen and preparing meals for those I care about. I don't do it often enough.
So, I've been thinking a tad bit lately about what was my writing career. What is my writing career is limited to quarterly contributions I make to an anti-caffeine magazine and random newspapers that pick up my pieces for $0.05 a word. Technically, I'm a writer. But I long for what was my writing career...not so much what is my writing career. I had one piece of published work before I began my downward spiral into writing silly lifestyle articles about people who don't eat chocolate ("Crazies" is what I have lovingly re-named them). I worked so hard on this piece as part of a writer's workshop and I was chosen for publication. Oh sweet elation! I called everybody I knew...my grandmother was so proud. Then (duh, duh, duh), the critics got hold of the book. They liked most of the short stories until they got to mine. Dang it! I worked so hard and all I got in return were comments about how naive is not the new black. Ugh! Anyway, I've shied away from writing anything creative ever since. So...now, I've been a little inspired to maybe sort of start again. I have hundreds of notebooks with little lines or story ideas or what I thought were really profound thoughts in the moment.
So, this brings me to my next thought. I don't like growing up. I'm not sure who really does like growing up; but I especially despise the idea. Growing up is what I did after I was told my writing style was naive. I thought, I'll show them I'm not some naive girl from Iowa. In the process, I forgot my creativity. I grew some sort of weird penchant for numbers. Now this fondness for numbers that resulted from my loss of creativity has fared well for me. I use numbers every day. My current career revolves almost completely around numbers : dimensions, weights, budgets, installation processes...it runs the gamut. But, alas! Critics don't care that I like numbers and lack creativity. If anything, I've proved them right. So, now that I'm an adult, I guess I should stop worrying what other people think and start writing again.
I pronounce adult wrong, I think. Maybe it's a regional thing...I say a (like apple) dult. With the emphasis on the "a". Anyway, that came from left field, but it ran across my brain and thus translated to the keyboard and I really had minimal control. Maybe I should turn this into a stream of consciousness blog. A little Virgina Woolf-esque. I don't know how I feel about putting down EVERY little thought that crosses my mind. I guess for now I'll just limit myself to weird little tidbits that involve the way I pronounce specific words. Anyway, I better quit while I'm only marginally ahead.
Five things I'm grateful for -
1. Good conversation
2. Stephanie Anderson
3. Sylvia Escoe
4. My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ
5. Ambition

Top Five John Cusack Movies -
1. Say Anything
2. High Fidelity
3. Grosse Pointe Blank
4. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil
5. This is My Father

...And I'm out!

The Restless Heart; The Promised Land

So, it's day numero dos and I'm still blogging. My fear of committing to such a thing as a blog has obviously not set in quite yet. I am resovled to keep this puppy going though, so hopefully my resolve will keep the fear at bay.

On my way into work this morning I was thinking. I have an hour commute and I really loathe traffic, so I usually end up with plenty of "thinking" time...or I just blast some Britney and pretend I'm at the Circus. Man, Britney can get me pumped for a day full of fun at the office. Anyway, pardon my digression. So, I was thinking. I was thinking that all of us sitting on northbound I-25 right near Hampden, we all have this amazing thing in common : our space. Yet, none of us really know each other. Most of us don't care to ever know anybody else we're sharing the other four lanes with, but we have this amazing thing in common. This shared space that is I-25. I just couldn't help but think that this is such an incredible event considering that not even two hundred years ago, none of it existed. Here we all are taking advantage of the technology that is infrastructure and we don't even have the common decency to get to know one another...or maybe I just had some bad oatmeal. Either way, when you think of the enormity of the population of I-25 at any given time between 6am and 9am, you'd think we could at least look over and say good morning to our temporary neighbor or even just give them a polite smile. Or maybe I'm just in an unusually sunny mood today and tomorrow I'll revert back to the Jen that everybody knows and most people sort of love.

Speaking of roads (how's that for a creative leap to my next point?), I'm in love with the idea of travelling across the country. Let me preface this by saying that I really do love driving and I'm only a semi-raging lunatic between 630am and 730am M-F. But there is something incredibly romantic about putting the top down in Seattle and not stopping until Bangor. I long to see all that the great expanse that we call the United States has to offer. I'm lucky in that I have seen a lot of the U.S., but not necessarily on my terms. I've seen it from the window of a charter bus when my high school marching band went to Florida. I've seen it from the window of a rental car while travelling for work. But, I still feel like I haven't experienced it. Seeing and experiencing are completely different. I want to run from bison in South Dakota and hug the curves of the Sierras in Nevada. I want to see the leaves change in New England and catch lobsters off a pier in Maine. Oh, my sweet romantic vision of being completely uninhibited on the road with someone I love or even just by myself. I'm going to do it someday. I will! I've already got the soundtrack picked out, so I guess the important stuff is taken care of, right?

So, that's all for today folks. Here are my lists!

Five Things I'm Grateful For -

1. My beautiful little neice Madeline.

2. Sunsets / Sunrises - corny and cliche, I know, but what are you going to do? They're beautiful in Colorado

3. Books...oh sweet books!

4. Knowledge

5. An Eternal Perspective

Top Five Books I've Read in the Last Five Years -

1. The Road; Cormac McCarthy

2. Absolom! Absolom!; William Faulkner

3. Hills Like White Elephants; Ernest Hemingway

4. A Room of One's Own; Virginia Woolf

5. The Sound and The Fury; William Faulkner

Bon Jour Mes Amis!

Welcome to the Jungle

So...I've been stalking blogs for quite some time now and have decided to dive head first into this weird, yet incredibly fascinating world of displaying the inner-most workings of our minds onto the internet for all to read. So, I'll start with a brief introduction and we'll go from there!

Are you ready?

My name is Jennifer. I grew up in Iowa. I love Iowa. It will always hold a special place in my heart. There is nowhere else in the world quite like it. My fondest memories are the ones that involved laying out in a grassy pasture watching the clouds float across the sky. Ah...Iowa. You also can't deny the amazing cuisine available only in Iowa. It's almost a secret, so I hesitate sharing it with you. The south has their amazing, fatty, creamy, saucy dishes and California has well "California Cuisine." New Yorkers and Chicagoans are known for their fabulous Italian fare, but nobody in the world can make fish boiled in lye or a tenderloin sandwich quite the way it's made in Iowa. Of course there are other dishes available only in Iowa, but most of the names of these dishes include curse-words (go figure), so I'll have to think of new, more creative names for them before I share them with all of you. Maybe I'll even let you all in on some of the recipes. So, that all being said, I was incredibly fortunate and am still very grateful for being raised and educated in such a beautiful state.

I moved to Colorado in 2005 after finishing school at Buena Vista University. I love Colorado. What an amazing state I chose; or maybe it chose me? Some day I'll tell you the story of my move. It's pretty funny and it involves a psychic, whom I've affectionately deemed "the Psycho." I'll probably never forget the Psycho. I wonder what happened to her? Anyway, Colorado has treated me very well and I feel like this is where I belong for the time being. Although, no matter where I find myself, I'll always call Iowa home. You know what they say..."You can take the girl out of Iowa, but you can't take the Iowa out of the girl." I'm not really sure if that's a good or bad thing, but I'll just go with it.

Most people that I know have described me as a "walking contradiction." I guess this applies in some cases, but part of the joy of being female is that we are allowed to be walking contradictions and there's nothing anybody can do about it. I take great pride in my status as a female. It is my one true passion in life to bring grace and beauty back to femininity. I won't stop until every American woman owns at least one frilly apron and has at least one good apple pie recipe. That being said, my other "one true passion" (I guess I have a lot of one true passions - insert the walking contradiction comment here, if you'd like) is to ensure that every woman knows of her beauty and worth. In my opinion (just an FYI...I won't typically insert my opinions, I'd rather discuss fact), the classic literary works of yore are the most amazing resources we have to define the worth of a woman. Ever hear of Shakespeare? He loved women. He described them beautifully. Lord Bryon...Oh man did he love women. I suggest you all read "She Walks in Beauty" pronto. Do it now. Leave my blog and come back. Anyway, literature and not so much modern literature, but the good stuff, the really good stuff celebrates all that femininity represents and I can tell you this much...it doesn't include talking like a sailor, spitting like a trucker and dressing like a homie. That may be the first time I've ever used the word homie.

So anyway, I guess I should sign off for now. I was thinking about things that could make this blog unique and I think I'm going to list five things I'm grateful for and a "Top Five" list at the end of every entry. So here goes :

Five things I'm grateful for -

1. The Gospel of Jesus Christ

2. My job - it's amazing

3. My beautiful friends and the joy that they bring me every day

4. The Atonement and the peace and love that I feel when I use it in my life

5. Education...if you don't have one, get one and USE IT!

Top Five Songs I've been jamming to lately -

1. Smile; Grant Lee Buffalo

2. Neon Tiger; The Killers

3. Boots of Spanish Leather; Nanci Griffith or Bob Dylan - they're equally amazing

4. Whiter Shade of Pale; Procol Harum

5. Make Your Own Kind of Music; Mama Cass Elliot

Stay Classy!