So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately how other people have blessed my life. I’ve been incredibly fortunate to have some of the most amazing friends. I often wonder why I have been so blessed. I still don’t know the answer to that question, but I think that my next several posts will be dedicated to those whom I love most.
Now, I kept going back and forth trying to think who I would start with. It’s not like my circle of friends is huge, but everybody is significant and everybody has contributed to my life in one way or another. As I was thinking about those who’ve had the most impact, my thoughts kept returning to my little brother. So, Michael will be the beginning!
Michael was born when I was nine and in the third grade. Little known fact : in true Iowa fashion, I had a mullet in third grade. Anyway, 1991 was the year of the mullet and Michael. Michael was born in March, shortly after my birthday. I was super excited to have a brother. He was amazing in every aspect of the word. I immediately fell in love with my little brother (so, as I reread that statement it sounds a little creepy and all too backwoods, but it was healthy and so far removed from creepy). Michael was a big baby. Nearly ten pounds when he was born. He never looked like a typical newborn. He had huge blue eyes and the chunkiest thighs in the world. He quickly took on the name Tank because of his size. He smiled very early on. I remember his first smile. I was holding him in the kitchen while I was warming a bottle and he looked at me with huge blue eyes and gave me the biggest smile in the world. The best part about a baby’s smile is that it is the most genuine thing you will ever witness. Babies smile because they are happy. Adults smile because it’s appropriate. Does that make sense? Anyway, he started to laugh those hilarious deep-belly laughs that only babies can. He loved playing airplane which caused A LOT of spitting up, but hearing him laugh was almost worth the clean up. Michael was a beautiful baby.
He was an even more beautiful child. It was awesome to see him learn and grasp certain concepts. A child’s determination and will to learn and progress is so raw and inspiring. I often envied his resolve. He was and still is incredibly and very naturally intelligent. As Michael progressed, I often felt that I did as well. He did typical boy things. He loved cars and dinosaurs and Legos. We watched a lot of Land of the Lost and Land Before Time. As a kid, he had a sensitivity about him that was well beyond his years of experience. He was incredibly tuned in to how people were feeling. Again, I envied this trait. He especially knew when I was upset and I was always so grateful for his reassuring pats on the back.
Michael and I started several of our own traditions. I hope to continue some of these traditions with my own children. My favorite was lying underneath the Christmas tree and looking up at all of the lights. We would do it for hours. Sometimes we’d make up our own lyrics and put them to traditional Christmas songs. Other times, we’d just quietly enjoy the lights. Every Thanksgiving we would go for a drive (from the time I had my own car) after dinner. We would usually go down to the Glenwood area. We listened to Jock Jams the whole time. It was awesome. One year, I hit a deer when Pump Up the Jam was blasting throughout my little 1988 Dodge Omni. Naturally, we had to quote lines from Tommy Boy and Harry and the Henderson’s the whole way home. The best thing about Michael during those years was that he got it. He understood me and he understood why I thought the way I did or said the things I said and he never once questioned my motives.
I knew that my decision to move to Colorado would greatly affect my relationship with Michael. I have always felt a little guilty for leaving him in Iowa to deal with the circumstances of our parents’ decisions. Michael was 14 when I moved 900 miles away. We talked every day and I flew him out here the very first chance I had. I wanted him to see who I was outside of the confines of my former self. The trip was awesome and it was like we had never spent a day apart.
Our relationship changed dramatically in May of 2007. Unfortunately, our mother visited Colorado and lost her mind (to say the least). I flew her here for her 50th birthday hoping it would be a good relationship-building visit. Turns out I was super naïve and way too hopeful for my own good. From that point on, Michael was used as leverage. I wanted no part of that. I emailed him and told him that I loved him more than he or I could probably ever comprehend, but for the sake of our relationship and selfishly, for the sake of my sanity, I wasn’t going to put him or my sister in the middle of my mother’s plot for revenge if I could help it. That was, hands down, the absolute hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. We went from being the best of friends to awkward siblings who acknowledged each other on birthdays and Christmas. I cried many nights and sought solace in the Gospel. I found peace and most of the things I was looking for. Michael never responded to my emails and I understood. It was better for him not to respond because if our mother found out there was any correspondence between the two of us, his life would have been pretty awful.
In January of this year I received the phone call I had been praying for for nearly two years. Michael called! We spoke for hours and we apologized and cried and laughed and used movie quotes in normal conversation that only we would understand. We busted out in song when the other person would say something that reminded us of a really bad song (there was a lot of Bon Jovi going on that night). Anyway, my brother doesn’t know it, but his phone call came at a time in my life when I was feeling incredibly sad. January in general was ridiculous, but hearing his voice and the love behind his words saved me from what I fear may have been a pretty dark period. Michael is an amazing young man and I will always look up to him for his awe-inspiring intuition and his ability to calm the most troubled heart. He’s truly been the best friend I could have ever hoped for.
Five things I’m grateful for –
1. Michael
2. Bon Jovi
3. Jock Jams
4. Crappy formative years
5. Love
Top five memories with Michael –
1. Eating the best bad Chinese food and watching Joe Dirt on the floor of my apartment every Saturday night for all of 2004
2. Michael tiling my kitchen while I glued beads to the bottom of my lampshades listening to ELO
3. Long drives through the middle of Iowa during harvest talking about life as we knew it
4. “Stay in the car…you do NOT want to see this” Michael’s reaction after we hit the deer on Thanksgiving night in 1998
5. The Viking helmet
Now, I kept going back and forth trying to think who I would start with. It’s not like my circle of friends is huge, but everybody is significant and everybody has contributed to my life in one way or another. As I was thinking about those who’ve had the most impact, my thoughts kept returning to my little brother. So, Michael will be the beginning!
Michael was born when I was nine and in the third grade. Little known fact : in true Iowa fashion, I had a mullet in third grade. Anyway, 1991 was the year of the mullet and Michael. Michael was born in March, shortly after my birthday. I was super excited to have a brother. He was amazing in every aspect of the word. I immediately fell in love with my little brother (so, as I reread that statement it sounds a little creepy and all too backwoods, but it was healthy and so far removed from creepy). Michael was a big baby. Nearly ten pounds when he was born. He never looked like a typical newborn. He had huge blue eyes and the chunkiest thighs in the world. He quickly took on the name Tank because of his size. He smiled very early on. I remember his first smile. I was holding him in the kitchen while I was warming a bottle and he looked at me with huge blue eyes and gave me the biggest smile in the world. The best part about a baby’s smile is that it is the most genuine thing you will ever witness. Babies smile because they are happy. Adults smile because it’s appropriate. Does that make sense? Anyway, he started to laugh those hilarious deep-belly laughs that only babies can. He loved playing airplane which caused A LOT of spitting up, but hearing him laugh was almost worth the clean up. Michael was a beautiful baby.
He was an even more beautiful child. It was awesome to see him learn and grasp certain concepts. A child’s determination and will to learn and progress is so raw and inspiring. I often envied his resolve. He was and still is incredibly and very naturally intelligent. As Michael progressed, I often felt that I did as well. He did typical boy things. He loved cars and dinosaurs and Legos. We watched a lot of Land of the Lost and Land Before Time. As a kid, he had a sensitivity about him that was well beyond his years of experience. He was incredibly tuned in to how people were feeling. Again, I envied this trait. He especially knew when I was upset and I was always so grateful for his reassuring pats on the back.
Michael and I started several of our own traditions. I hope to continue some of these traditions with my own children. My favorite was lying underneath the Christmas tree and looking up at all of the lights. We would do it for hours. Sometimes we’d make up our own lyrics and put them to traditional Christmas songs. Other times, we’d just quietly enjoy the lights. Every Thanksgiving we would go for a drive (from the time I had my own car) after dinner. We would usually go down to the Glenwood area. We listened to Jock Jams the whole time. It was awesome. One year, I hit a deer when Pump Up the Jam was blasting throughout my little 1988 Dodge Omni. Naturally, we had to quote lines from Tommy Boy and Harry and the Henderson’s the whole way home. The best thing about Michael during those years was that he got it. He understood me and he understood why I thought the way I did or said the things I said and he never once questioned my motives.
I knew that my decision to move to Colorado would greatly affect my relationship with Michael. I have always felt a little guilty for leaving him in Iowa to deal with the circumstances of our parents’ decisions. Michael was 14 when I moved 900 miles away. We talked every day and I flew him out here the very first chance I had. I wanted him to see who I was outside of the confines of my former self. The trip was awesome and it was like we had never spent a day apart.
Our relationship changed dramatically in May of 2007. Unfortunately, our mother visited Colorado and lost her mind (to say the least). I flew her here for her 50th birthday hoping it would be a good relationship-building visit. Turns out I was super naïve and way too hopeful for my own good. From that point on, Michael was used as leverage. I wanted no part of that. I emailed him and told him that I loved him more than he or I could probably ever comprehend, but for the sake of our relationship and selfishly, for the sake of my sanity, I wasn’t going to put him or my sister in the middle of my mother’s plot for revenge if I could help it. That was, hands down, the absolute hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. We went from being the best of friends to awkward siblings who acknowledged each other on birthdays and Christmas. I cried many nights and sought solace in the Gospel. I found peace and most of the things I was looking for. Michael never responded to my emails and I understood. It was better for him not to respond because if our mother found out there was any correspondence between the two of us, his life would have been pretty awful.
In January of this year I received the phone call I had been praying for for nearly two years. Michael called! We spoke for hours and we apologized and cried and laughed and used movie quotes in normal conversation that only we would understand. We busted out in song when the other person would say something that reminded us of a really bad song (there was a lot of Bon Jovi going on that night). Anyway, my brother doesn’t know it, but his phone call came at a time in my life when I was feeling incredibly sad. January in general was ridiculous, but hearing his voice and the love behind his words saved me from what I fear may have been a pretty dark period. Michael is an amazing young man and I will always look up to him for his awe-inspiring intuition and his ability to calm the most troubled heart. He’s truly been the best friend I could have ever hoped for.
Five things I’m grateful for –
1. Michael
2. Bon Jovi
3. Jock Jams
4. Crappy formative years
5. Love
Top five memories with Michael –
1. Eating the best bad Chinese food and watching Joe Dirt on the floor of my apartment every Saturday night for all of 2004
2. Michael tiling my kitchen while I glued beads to the bottom of my lampshades listening to ELO
3. Long drives through the middle of Iowa during harvest talking about life as we knew it
4. “Stay in the car…you do NOT want to see this” Michael’s reaction after we hit the deer on Thanksgiving night in 1998
5. The Viking helmet
In case you're wondering, I totally painted his nails and dressed him up in my old tap shoes and tutus. He loved every minute of it.
I rememeber when he called and it did light you up...SO MUCH! How exciting for his graduation and for all the memories that make siblings what they are to us today! I love you JB you rock my world.
ReplyDeleteHAhaHAhaHAhaHAhaHA
I LOOOOOOOVE his response to hitting the deer...which then reminds me of our beloved Rory and how we laughed about it in response to you telling me this story once. Do you remember?
You make me want to give my brother a great big hug! Being over a thousand miles away, I'll call him instead. I love your "hitting the deer" story. Grant, my brother, and I have a handful of similar stories. I remember him screaming "Wheeeeeeeeeeee!" onetime when driving over a snowy mountain pass. We were in my Dodge Neon and did donuts halfway down the pass because the roads were so slick. Thank goodness for brothers!
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