Oh, Richard!

So, that's not Richard, but it's what Richard looks like. Richard is the most wonderful little fish a girl could ask for. He is the epitome of cool. He just swims around his bowl looking for a fight. He's a fighting fish after all. He loves to follow my finger and he'll watch me read or get ready for work from the back of his bowl. He loves to eat. Oh man, he swallows up his food almost faster than I can drop it into his bowl. Richard likes warm water, so at night he gets to sleep on a heating pad. I wake up every hour or two to make sure he's staying warm. He's really active at night. He just swims and swims and swims and seems completely content doing so. Anyway, there will be more Richard updates later.
So on my way into work this morning I was behind a Subaru. Now, I'm only mentioning the make of the car, because I completely and totally unfairly judge people who drive subarus and here's why : He had one of those little "Coexist" stickers on one side of his car and the ever more popular equality sticker. Then I pan over to the right side of his back window and there's a sticker that reads, "Save an elk, kill a land developer." Really, buddy? REALLY? Does he not understand the message(s) he's sending? The one I'm sure on the forefront of everybody's mind who has the displeasure of following this guy is, what an imbecile. Anyway, I don't get super uptight about most things, but when I see these people who drive around town with mobile soap boxes adhered to their car windows that tout such messages as "Coexist" and "=" then please do everybody a favor and practice what you so publicly preach. So, anyway, I ended up laughing the whole rest of the way to work, because I just found it funny. Well that and I kept imagining that he has a refrigerator full of elk meet and his father-in-law is probably a land developer. Don't you wish that you could sometimes crawl into other peoples' minds if even for a minute? I would totally choose to crawl into that guys' mind.
Alright, so since Richard has brought me so much joy in the last several days, I thought I'd include five additional things I'm grateful for and five additional items to my top five list. Here you go! Enjoy!

Ten Things I’m Grateful For –
1. My Father – He is the definition of Honorable
2. My Sister – She makes me laugh
3. My Brother – He understands
4. My Niece – She’s beautiful and pure and everything good
5. My friends – They are all so amazing and selfless
6. Old-fashioned, Handwritten Letters
7. Richard – He’s a good little fish
8. History – The best education you can obtain is to study the lives of those who came before you
9. Good Books - Are medicine for the soul
10. Conversation - The one tool in getting to know the true character of others

Top Ten Love Songs (I’m getting cheeseball on you with these)!
1. Something; The Beatles
2. I Fall to Pieces; Patsy Cline
3. I Walk the Line; Johnny Cash
4. Read My Mind; The Killers
5. How Sweet it Is; Marvin Gaye
6. Eternal Flame; The Bangles
7. Together; The Raconteurs
8. Crazy; Patsy Cline
9. The Long and Winding Road; The Beatles
10. O Valencia; The Decemberists
Honorable Mention : 1234; Feist & Dancin' in the Moonlight; Van Morrison

May you always recognize your blessings for what they are

Lend Me Your Ears, I'll Sing You A Song

I’m so blessed in so many different regards. I had the most wonderful weekend. My life is so much different now than it was 3 years ago. It is exactly what I have always wanted it to be. I feel fulfilled. I had the privilege of having a really great conversation on Friday evening. It was not particularly deep, but rewarding nonetheless. I don’t want to gush over the details, but sometimes you just know when you’re in the presence of really great people. You can feel when friendships are being born and strengthened. Anyway, this all got me thinking that I’ve been so blessed my whole life with really amazing friends and acquaintances. I have especially grown to love those that I’ve met since moving to Colorado. Not that I don’t care immensely for all of my friends, but those that I’ve met in Colorado have really helped to hold me up during a period of great conversion. I feel that I’m approaching the end of that sometimes incredibly bumpy road called Transformation and it feels amazing. It feels right. My point is, the bumps in my own personal road would have been a lot worse had it not been for some very special people.
I don’t think that anyone truly knows and can understand why I’ve chosen the lifestyle that I have except my Heavenly Father. If and when I do open up to people about the way I grew up, they seem to think that they know why I’ve chosen to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, they say things like “that explains it!” They know the least. To be quite honest, most days I don’t even know why exactly I chose what I have chosen except that I know of its truthfulness and denying the truth makes you a liar. I’m not a liar.
So, I guess what I’m really trying to say here is this : I am a very blessed individual and I have been graced by the presence of some of the most beautiful spirits to walk the earth.
One of my friends who has taken on this sort of weird mother-like role in my life is always handing out unsolicited advice, and although most days it’s not asked for I secretly and well, sometimes not-so-secretly yearn for it. The single greatest piece of advice she has ever given me is to always choose life. You can choose life or death in nearly all instances. Choose life. Those two words run through my head nearly constantly every day. She also once told me to marry a blow-up doll. I’m choosing life by not taking that advice. But, when you’re in her presence, you feel of her greatness. You feel of her kindness, warmth and strength and most days I want to just have an ounce of those qualities that she so naturally possesses. And there are so many others like her in my life and during those times when I might frown on the events of my past or the circumstances surrounding my childhood, I have no choice but to get on my knees and thank Heavenly Father for blessing me so significantly. Man, don’t you just want to go out and hug somebody right now?
Oh yeah, I got a fish. I’ve named him Richard. He’s incredibly smart and very handsome. I may have to dedicate a post to him. He’s worthy of dedication.

Five things I’m grateful for –
My Great Grandmother
My Grandmother
Simplicity
Barns – I love barns
Richard – my new fish

Top five pieces of absolutely unsolicited advice I’ve received from Sylvia –
“Choose Life”
“Keep chasing those physics things and you’ll end up in the arms of a man” (yes physics as in Avogadro’s number)
“Marry a blow up doll”
“Gggiiirrrlll, you best get your dag-um rear in gear” (she’s from the south if you couldn’t tell from the “dag-um”)
“Be honest with me”

May each of you feel as blessed as I.

A Lonesome Jubilee

I have the next four days to myself. I have nothing to do but basque in the amazing, succulent and wholesome solitude that quiets our noisy world. My own world happens to be incredibly noisy most of the time. There’s not a lot of room for solitude in my busy schedule. I’m constantly running from one job to the other or trying to make a deadline or running errands or fulfilling a calling or any of the countless other things that are required of me. Even just the simple act of thinking about these things, not necessarily doing them, causes an unwelcome clamor in my life. Even further, all of the “conveniences” that we all take advantage of today (ie – cell phones, computers, PDAs, Blackberries, portable televisions, automobiles, microwaves, heck – even running water) have caused me less and less convenience the more I use them. Do you remember when calling somebody meant you had to take time out of your day to really sit down and just focus on the person at the other end of the line? It was special. Do you remember when watching a television show meant scheduling time to sit down with your family and enjoying some laughs together? It was fun. Do you remember when cooking a meal meant spending time preparing the food, getting your hands dirty, setting a table and gathering together in a small kitchen? It was beautiful. None of those things exist anymore because, well I can text and talk on my cell phone at the same time that I’m watching something I recorded on my DVR and all the while “dinner” is being “cooked” in my handy, dandy microwave “oven.” Oh yeah, and did I mentioned I’m checking my email too? AAAAAHHHHH! It’s too much sometimes. It’s way too much sometimes.
What’s even better is the new and more vicious keeping up with the Jones’ mentality that has come along with these advances in technology (and I use the word advances very loosely here). I couldn’t care less if my friend has the newest I-Phone, the most expensive car, the trendiest clothes, the most powerful microwave, the biggest plasma screen TV, or the newest I-Pod. I don’t care. What I do care about is their well-being. I care about whether or not their basic needs are being met. I care about their happiness. I care about the way they feel not the way that their gadgets make them feel. And all of these advances are not rocketing us into the future; in fact they’re sending us spiraling even further into an isolationist, archaic, every-man-for-himself society. When was the last time you saw somebody look up from their PDA and actually take the blue tooth of their ear, smile and say hi? It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?
I say all of this at the risk that somebody out there is going to pass me off as some Berkley educated, Boulderite who hugs trees for a living, but the truth is I’m just a simple girl. I enjoy things like sunshine, a good book, a warm smile, a friend, the wind in my hair, a fulfilling conversation (not a textual conversation…a real face-to-face sit down). In essence, I enjoy life; just unadorned, uncomplicated, pure life. And I’m going to do nothing but revel in all that life has to offer for the next four days. So, here’s my advice to all of you : Turn off your phones, close your laptops, put your I-Pods away and listen to the beautiful silence, foreign as it may be, and spend some good quality time inside your own brain. Learn who you are when there is nothing to interrupt the process.

Five things I’m grateful for –

1. Peace
2. Silence
3. Stillness
4. Eternity
5. Mortal Life

Top five life lessons I’ve learned the hard way –

1. You can’t please everybody all of the time.
2. Saying “No” does not equal death.
3. As much as you want to grip on to your youth with white knuckles, you have to grow up, and most days, it’s a pretty mind-blowing process.
4. The world does not stop spinning if your heart is broken, you lose a loved one or you get a paper cut (I hate paper cuts).
5. You have to trust that Heavenly Father’s plan for you is a well thought-out symphony that you can only conduct if you are worthy to receive the guidance and love of the Holy Ghost.

May your minds be opened that you might see every blade of grass and every ray of sunshine.

An Ephemeral Composition of Disjointed Memories

I'm not a rock snob by any means. I do believe I have good taste in music, but so does every 12-year old die-hard Miley Cyrus fan. I should post about teen crazes one day...I'm writing that down right now. Anyway, a friend (who will remain nameless - cough - Alexia - cough), asked me to make her a mix as a way of diverting attention from the fact that she has not yet made one for me. Can I just say that I have not made a mix since I was a lovestruck 17-year old; so, this is providing me great joy. I'm excited to put songs together and I've been having some wicked crazy brainstorming sessions. There are so many songs I could use, yet I'm limited to 80 minutes. Maybe I'll make a two-disc volume (is it just me or does it seem like I've used about 10 hyphens in this post already?). I used to be a mix master. Man! I could put together a compilation that would make you laugh, cry, ponder, cry some more. I wish I had some of them. The best were the cheesy love mixes I put together for my then steady (I might be aging myself using the word "steady" but it beats boyfriend. Boyfriend is so...I don't know, boyfriendy). Regretfully, I did include at least one Celine Dion song, but hey, it was 1999 and the Titanic hadn't hit the iceburg quite yet. Besides, he liked Celine...that should have been a sign (pardon my departure from the point). Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, there's nothing quite like a really good mix tape - yes as in cassette tape - to tap into your emotions.
Music is one of those things that most people love. It's so subjective though. You can almost judge what kind of person somebody is by the type of music they listen to (if I were the type to judge...well I am the type to judge sometimes). For example, when I think of say, SKA music, I immediately think, mowhawks, chain wallets, chuck taylors and marginal intelligence. When I think of Country music I think of cowboy boots, horse trailors and fun. When I think about the Indigo Girls , I want to vomit. Anyway, It's easy to judge a person's traits based on the music they listen to because it's so much more than just listening. You live the music.
Anyway, here are some of the top runners for Alexia's mix.
My Generation; TheWho
A Day in the Life; The Beatles
Crazy; Patsy Cline
The Boxer; Simon & Garfunkel
Nothing Compares 2 U (I hate when people can't just spell a word.) Sinead O'Connor
Ooh, Ooh Child; The Five Stair Steps
Spirit in the Sky; Norman Greenbaum
God Only Knows; Switchfoot
Wonderwall; Oasis
Ride; Cary Brothers
Did I Tell You; Yo La Tengo
The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth; Clap Your Hands, Say Yeah!
Rebellion; Arcade Fire (Don't judge!)
LadyFlash; The Go! Team
Alright, I'm getting bored. Anyway, That's the small but definite list. Everything else is tied for 15th place.
I promise this will not turn into a music blog.
Here are my lists! Enjoy!

Five things I'm grateful for -

1. Love
2. Amazing Friends
3. My Brain
4. Laughter
5. Music

Top five places I want to visit before I die -

1. Isreal
2. Vancouver, B.C.
3. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum
4. My Great, Great Grandfather's childhood home in Ireland
5. The University of Virginia / Gettysburg, PA

May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

Naive is the New Black

There's something so beautiful about this photo. It's from the Library of Congress archive, by the way, and there was no additional citation on the website. Anyway, I just love old photographs. Especially those depicting women in such a gorgeous way. There's something amazing about being able to prepare a meal for the people you love. The hard work, the preparation, the presentation, the clean up; it's all quite beautiful. I love being in the kitchen and preparing meals for those I care about. I don't do it often enough.
So, I've been thinking a tad bit lately about what was my writing career. What is my writing career is limited to quarterly contributions I make to an anti-caffeine magazine and random newspapers that pick up my pieces for $0.05 a word. Technically, I'm a writer. But I long for what was my writing career...not so much what is my writing career. I had one piece of published work before I began my downward spiral into writing silly lifestyle articles about people who don't eat chocolate ("Crazies" is what I have lovingly re-named them). I worked so hard on this piece as part of a writer's workshop and I was chosen for publication. Oh sweet elation! I called everybody I knew...my grandmother was so proud. Then (duh, duh, duh), the critics got hold of the book. They liked most of the short stories until they got to mine. Dang it! I worked so hard and all I got in return were comments about how naive is not the new black. Ugh! Anyway, I've shied away from writing anything creative ever since. So...now, I've been a little inspired to maybe sort of start again. I have hundreds of notebooks with little lines or story ideas or what I thought were really profound thoughts in the moment.
So, this brings me to my next thought. I don't like growing up. I'm not sure who really does like growing up; but I especially despise the idea. Growing up is what I did after I was told my writing style was naive. I thought, I'll show them I'm not some naive girl from Iowa. In the process, I forgot my creativity. I grew some sort of weird penchant for numbers. Now this fondness for numbers that resulted from my loss of creativity has fared well for me. I use numbers every day. My current career revolves almost completely around numbers : dimensions, weights, budgets, installation processes...it runs the gamut. But, alas! Critics don't care that I like numbers and lack creativity. If anything, I've proved them right. So, now that I'm an adult, I guess I should stop worrying what other people think and start writing again.
I pronounce adult wrong, I think. Maybe it's a regional thing...I say a (like apple) dult. With the emphasis on the "a". Anyway, that came from left field, but it ran across my brain and thus translated to the keyboard and I really had minimal control. Maybe I should turn this into a stream of consciousness blog. A little Virgina Woolf-esque. I don't know how I feel about putting down EVERY little thought that crosses my mind. I guess for now I'll just limit myself to weird little tidbits that involve the way I pronounce specific words. Anyway, I better quit while I'm only marginally ahead.
Five things I'm grateful for -
1. Good conversation
2. Stephanie Anderson
3. Sylvia Escoe
4. My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ
5. Ambition

Top Five John Cusack Movies -
1. Say Anything
2. High Fidelity
3. Grosse Pointe Blank
4. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil
5. This is My Father

...And I'm out!

The Restless Heart; The Promised Land

So, it's day numero dos and I'm still blogging. My fear of committing to such a thing as a blog has obviously not set in quite yet. I am resovled to keep this puppy going though, so hopefully my resolve will keep the fear at bay.

On my way into work this morning I was thinking. I have an hour commute and I really loathe traffic, so I usually end up with plenty of "thinking" time...or I just blast some Britney and pretend I'm at the Circus. Man, Britney can get me pumped for a day full of fun at the office. Anyway, pardon my digression. So, I was thinking. I was thinking that all of us sitting on northbound I-25 right near Hampden, we all have this amazing thing in common : our space. Yet, none of us really know each other. Most of us don't care to ever know anybody else we're sharing the other four lanes with, but we have this amazing thing in common. This shared space that is I-25. I just couldn't help but think that this is such an incredible event considering that not even two hundred years ago, none of it existed. Here we all are taking advantage of the technology that is infrastructure and we don't even have the common decency to get to know one another...or maybe I just had some bad oatmeal. Either way, when you think of the enormity of the population of I-25 at any given time between 6am and 9am, you'd think we could at least look over and say good morning to our temporary neighbor or even just give them a polite smile. Or maybe I'm just in an unusually sunny mood today and tomorrow I'll revert back to the Jen that everybody knows and most people sort of love.

Speaking of roads (how's that for a creative leap to my next point?), I'm in love with the idea of travelling across the country. Let me preface this by saying that I really do love driving and I'm only a semi-raging lunatic between 630am and 730am M-F. But there is something incredibly romantic about putting the top down in Seattle and not stopping until Bangor. I long to see all that the great expanse that we call the United States has to offer. I'm lucky in that I have seen a lot of the U.S., but not necessarily on my terms. I've seen it from the window of a charter bus when my high school marching band went to Florida. I've seen it from the window of a rental car while travelling for work. But, I still feel like I haven't experienced it. Seeing and experiencing are completely different. I want to run from bison in South Dakota and hug the curves of the Sierras in Nevada. I want to see the leaves change in New England and catch lobsters off a pier in Maine. Oh, my sweet romantic vision of being completely uninhibited on the road with someone I love or even just by myself. I'm going to do it someday. I will! I've already got the soundtrack picked out, so I guess the important stuff is taken care of, right?

So, that's all for today folks. Here are my lists!

Five Things I'm Grateful For -

1. My beautiful little neice Madeline.

2. Sunsets / Sunrises - corny and cliche, I know, but what are you going to do? They're beautiful in Colorado

3. Books...oh sweet books!

4. Knowledge

5. An Eternal Perspective

Top Five Books I've Read in the Last Five Years -

1. The Road; Cormac McCarthy

2. Absolom! Absolom!; William Faulkner

3. Hills Like White Elephants; Ernest Hemingway

4. A Room of One's Own; Virginia Woolf

5. The Sound and The Fury; William Faulkner

Bon Jour Mes Amis!

Welcome to the Jungle

So...I've been stalking blogs for quite some time now and have decided to dive head first into this weird, yet incredibly fascinating world of displaying the inner-most workings of our minds onto the internet for all to read. So, I'll start with a brief introduction and we'll go from there!

Are you ready?

My name is Jennifer. I grew up in Iowa. I love Iowa. It will always hold a special place in my heart. There is nowhere else in the world quite like it. My fondest memories are the ones that involved laying out in a grassy pasture watching the clouds float across the sky. Ah...Iowa. You also can't deny the amazing cuisine available only in Iowa. It's almost a secret, so I hesitate sharing it with you. The south has their amazing, fatty, creamy, saucy dishes and California has well "California Cuisine." New Yorkers and Chicagoans are known for their fabulous Italian fare, but nobody in the world can make fish boiled in lye or a tenderloin sandwich quite the way it's made in Iowa. Of course there are other dishes available only in Iowa, but most of the names of these dishes include curse-words (go figure), so I'll have to think of new, more creative names for them before I share them with all of you. Maybe I'll even let you all in on some of the recipes. So, that all being said, I was incredibly fortunate and am still very grateful for being raised and educated in such a beautiful state.

I moved to Colorado in 2005 after finishing school at Buena Vista University. I love Colorado. What an amazing state I chose; or maybe it chose me? Some day I'll tell you the story of my move. It's pretty funny and it involves a psychic, whom I've affectionately deemed "the Psycho." I'll probably never forget the Psycho. I wonder what happened to her? Anyway, Colorado has treated me very well and I feel like this is where I belong for the time being. Although, no matter where I find myself, I'll always call Iowa home. You know what they say..."You can take the girl out of Iowa, but you can't take the Iowa out of the girl." I'm not really sure if that's a good or bad thing, but I'll just go with it.

Most people that I know have described me as a "walking contradiction." I guess this applies in some cases, but part of the joy of being female is that we are allowed to be walking contradictions and there's nothing anybody can do about it. I take great pride in my status as a female. It is my one true passion in life to bring grace and beauty back to femininity. I won't stop until every American woman owns at least one frilly apron and has at least one good apple pie recipe. That being said, my other "one true passion" (I guess I have a lot of one true passions - insert the walking contradiction comment here, if you'd like) is to ensure that every woman knows of her beauty and worth. In my opinion (just an FYI...I won't typically insert my opinions, I'd rather discuss fact), the classic literary works of yore are the most amazing resources we have to define the worth of a woman. Ever hear of Shakespeare? He loved women. He described them beautifully. Lord Bryon...Oh man did he love women. I suggest you all read "She Walks in Beauty" pronto. Do it now. Leave my blog and come back. Anyway, literature and not so much modern literature, but the good stuff, the really good stuff celebrates all that femininity represents and I can tell you this much...it doesn't include talking like a sailor, spitting like a trucker and dressing like a homie. That may be the first time I've ever used the word homie.

So anyway, I guess I should sign off for now. I was thinking about things that could make this blog unique and I think I'm going to list five things I'm grateful for and a "Top Five" list at the end of every entry. So here goes :

Five things I'm grateful for -

1. The Gospel of Jesus Christ

2. My job - it's amazing

3. My beautiful friends and the joy that they bring me every day

4. The Atonement and the peace and love that I feel when I use it in my life

5. Education...if you don't have one, get one and USE IT!

Top Five Songs I've been jamming to lately -

1. Smile; Grant Lee Buffalo

2. Neon Tiger; The Killers

3. Boots of Spanish Leather; Nanci Griffith or Bob Dylan - they're equally amazing

4. Whiter Shade of Pale; Procol Harum

5. Make Your Own Kind of Music; Mama Cass Elliot

Stay Classy!